The 5 Stages of Grief as a Manchester United Fan

“When everyone else zigs, you zag” -Confucius – JR. The summer transfer window holds limitless possibilities and endless scenarios for every team. It is the one time where clubs can flex their commercial might and lure away the world’s top footballing talents to join their team with deep pockets and promises for Club glory. Rather unfortunately for United fans like myself, this is somewhat of a pipe dream. The ownership sucks, our disgraced CEO sucks, our form the last 8 years sucks. Life as a Manchester United fan is all about dealing with Grief. Come with me on my trip through the 5 stages of Grief as an American Red Devil. I need the company.

The Stages of Grief - Hospice of the North Coast

1. Denial

This particular stage of grief set in pretty quickly. Sir Alex Ferguson called it a career after hoisting the trophy in 2013 and shocked the football world. No one could believe the greatest manager ever would just call it quits. 13 League Titles, 5 FA Cups, 4 League Cups, and 2 Champions Leagues gone like a flash. I saw some flaws in the lineup, but there was no way this team could fall from grace. After all, SAF tipped the next successor, David Moyes, which meant the trophies would keep flying in.* One season in and some would say the performances didn’t go as planned. United fucking sucked and they couldn’t help themselves.

2. Anger

This isn’t even Grief. Fuck Louis Van Gaal.

Louis Van Gaal - Manchester United Boss - Funny & Smiling Faces - YouTube

3. Bargaining

Maybe Our Dear Leader Jozay is exactly what this team needs. Jozay Mourinho was one of the most successful managers on the market. He led Chelsea, Real Madrid, and Porto all to multiple trophies, so surely he can do the same. Sure, he’s a bit rough around the edges, but maybe Pogba does actually need to get benched. Maybe using Marouane Fellaini as a striker in the 92nd minute is a good idea. Maybe I was being too hard on the team. A European Trophy is a European Trophy after all.

Mourinho Disgust | Know Your Meme
Everyone reading this blog

4. Depression

More Glazer share sales. No capital being injected into the team. More $20m yearly dividends being sucked out. Who even cares United got the second best Portuguese player ever. Why even bother making a push for the title if Oil Money FC can purchase it for hundreds of millions. Harry’s head is fucking massive, but can’t score a header. None of this matter cause we are destined for mediocrity with poor ownership intentions. Sure we got a pretty good new manager, but even that doesn’t get me up in the morning. I’ve been going through the motions as a fan not even expecting something to change as long as the Glazer’s are in charge.

5. Acceptance

“We are who we thought they were.” SAF isn’t coming back. Ronaldo isn’t coming back. Wayne Rooney got his team relegated in his first try at management. Life isn’t the same, and it never will be. I can’t hope the past becomes the future because its not physically possible. Manchester United were great, are not great, but hopefully they can reclaim their rightful position. The Glazers are here to stay for a while, so keep buying green and gold merch knowing that one day things will change. I can finally say I believe in Manchester United again. Have you completed your 5 stages of grief?


*Update: They didn’t

About JR 58 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary, over-invested, and highly-sarcastic American Red Devil. P.S. I'm not here to argue.

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