The Top Isn’t Lonely

This season is gonna be a BATTLE for top spot. Sometimes it just clicks. Other days it doesn’t. I’m not 100% certain which day today was for Manchester United, but this feels good. The this I’m referring to is top of the league and 3 points, of course! United had a trip to the barely-breathing Fulham Football Club, and didn’t disappoint (kinda). This game was a bit of a question mark for me. We won, but there are clearly some things that are and are not jiving in the First Team.

Send Greenwood to the U-23’s

Ok I take it back, but not really. Greenwood, for whatever multitude of reasons, is a shell of his former self last year. This game makes it 1 goal in 13 appearances, and that is just not good enough. Maybe its because that Icelandic supermodel was actually a KGB sleeper-cell agent and stole all his superpowers, or maybe because he only knows how to cut inside and dribble into traffic, but he has been abysmal in most of his games played this season.

To be honest, I don’t know what best motivates Greenwood, but its infuriating to see him consistently underperform this season considering the tear he went on last year. The only solution is to send him down for a game to score a hatty, and then bring him back up when he is in form.

The French Connection

Loljk not much of a connection at all. Our two Frenchmen are much like two ships passing in the middle of the night. Martial has become near unplayable ever since my expose piece on his less-than-stellar performance since joining United. I’m beginning to think he read it and I jinxed his form. I’m sorry Tony, I didn’t mean it.

Anthony Martial set to miss Manchester United's clash against Tottenham |  Football News | Sky Sports
Poor Tony. Figure it out and start scoring again. Plz.

Pogba, on the other hand, has become un-droppable with his recent play. I’d go so far to say he’s our best player in the last 4 weeks or so. I know the haters will have fun with that one. The castaway finally looks thrilled to be playing in red and its probably because United are top of the League. Pogba’s goal in the second half turned out to be the winner and boy was it a beauty. He collected the ball from the disastrous right-side of our attack and lashed a left footed shot many can only dream of hitting so sweetly. Cavani had a goal off a rebound in the first half. 2-1 United. 3 points and reclaiming top of the table isn’t a bad Wednesday at the office.

The End of Soccer as We Know It

Is this a dramatic title? Maybe. Is my opinion, which will be proved in the following paragraphs 1000% true? Indubitably.

Do you know who has the worst job in the world? Close, but it’s not Joe Biden, it’s Premier League refs. Do you know who is the worst at their jobs? Yup you guessed it; Premier League Refs. I think United’s ref was Kevin Friend. Fuck that guy. He got so many calls wrong in the first half it was simply jaw-dropping. Fulham’s first goal, which was a tight onside call, just doesn’t have those dumbass cgi lines drawn on my tv screen? I’m not saying Lookman was off, but if literally every other offside is shown with that nonsense, its a little strange they mysteriously forgot to check this time. I’m no conspiracy theorist, but something is fishy *cues X-files music*.

Next Friend swallowed his whistle when a CLEAR PENALTY committed on Fred. Even the NBC commentators (thank the soccer gods it wasn’t that loser Graeme LeSaux) were left scratching their heads as Fred’s trail leg was rather blatantly taken out. How do you not go to the monitor for that?! Kevin Friend definitely had action on the draw and should be banned from regulating for the rest of his life. Inexcusably terrible calls all 90 minutes. If it wasn’t Kevin Friend officiating, I apologize, but not really. I know he’s gonna fuck up a United game soon as is tradition whenever the Red Devils are top of the table. I almost forgot: bring in the Chorus!

EDIT: Nonsense Elsewhere in England

I simply have to talk about this. I would be failing you, the reader, if I didn’t comment on the lunacy that went on today in Manchester.

Despite the Kangaroo court in United’s game, I’m afraid a far greater injustice has been done elsewhere. Aston Villa got flat out ROBBED today with what might be the worst call I have ever seen as a soccer fan. I usually don’t care about other teams, but poor Tyrone Mings. He got the ball taken from him and a goal scored after Rodrigo came from literally the most offside position you could ever be in. I know FOR A FACT, that an offside has been called when a player attempts to play a ball when he’s in an offside position. I’m damn near positive it has been happening for decades too! If a player can clearly be offside, and once a defender takes a touch the player can just take the ball and score, Soccer will cease being the same sport so many have fallen in love with.

There is legitimately no reason to have all 10 men behind the halfway line now. I can almost guarantee that this rule will get changed once teams start pulling this bullshit on the regular. If it doesn’t, then this might be the most slippery slope ever imagined. A go-fund-me should be started to pay off whatever fine Aston Villas manager is handed for getting sent off. #PrayforDeanSmith

About JR 45 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary, over-invested, and highly-sarcastic American Red Devil. P.S. I'm not here to argue.

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