The Unwatchables

Someone, anyone, put me out of my misery. This game was borderline unwatchable. No, I take that back; this game was UNWATCHABLE. I am not sure why I subjugated myself to this unusually cruel and demeaning form of abuse. I am in no mood to write a blog that resembles anything close to witty satire. This game, and team performance was pathetic.

We all joke this was a “must-win” game, but to be honest, it is the furthest from it. United beat the breaks off both PSG and Leipzig, so they are in the driver’s seat in the group as far as I’m concerned. Having said that, a loss to That Team From Turkey in is a bit of a head scratcher. That Team From Turkey won their first Champions League game ever against us. Manchester United and memorable moments go together like two peas in a pod.

The Actual Game

I suppose this blog should have more of a match-recap feel to it. Since I care about you fellow American Red Devil’s, I will oblige. For 90 minutes, the Manchester United defense looked shambolic and extremely unorganized. For 90 minutes, the Manchester United offense looked shambolic and extremely unorganized. There, is that good enough?

What is Manchester United?

I don’t know why we signed Edinson Cavani. I don’t know why Ole repeatedly sticks to the 4-2-3-1. I don’t know why we underperform. I don’t know why Harry Maguire’s head is fucking massive. There are a lot of questions, and not a lot of answers.

Cavani looks uninterested at best, and at worst, looks like he just enjoys the conversation with the opposing team’s center backs. Personally, I think he should’ve started this game, because his last few cameos showed he never caught up to the pace, and a start could ignite that fire Woodward signed up for. If you’re not gonna start a star UCL player in the UCL, then why put his name on the team sheet?

The 4-2-3-1 is a balanced formation. Without getting overly complicated, it allows for defensive cover in the form of 6 defensive-minded players, and attacking options with 4 offensive players. A truly wonderful concept. The only issue is we don’t have a team suited for this formation! People love giving Paul Pogba shit for not being stellar in the holding midfield role, but guess what, Donny looked like shit in the exact same position today. Surely both players aren’t useless. Will Ole ever take a look at the players he has and use a formation that works well with their natural talents?

The mystery behind United’s wildly shocking, infuriating, and remarkable inconsistency deserves its own episode on “Unsolved Mysteries.” This team, and perhaps more importantly, Ole, just can’t seem to keep on the straight and narrow. Just when you think the worst is behind United, they lay this stinker. Is the night darkest before the dawn? Furthermore, just how much darker will it have to get before we see happy times?

I’m Exhausted

I, once a young spry blogger, am getting old in age. I started this hustle at 25 years and 2 months old. Fast-forward to current day, and I am a jaded and decrepit 25 years and 4 months old. Thanks, Manchester United.

Watching this team is exhausting. Alex, my boss, recently published perhaps one of my better blogs; Just How Long Does Ole Have? I was undecided on Ole then, and still am now. What I am not undecided about is this “process” of trying to find out if he’s “at the wheel” or not. Woodward do us all a favor and either sign Ole to a lifetime contract, or kick his ass out tomorrow morning. This “will he, won’t he” is downright infuriating. Eddy, pick an option and stick to it. Making a concrete decision is better than operating in proverbial limbo. In conclusion, this team will remain perhaps the most frustrating aspect of my life, but I will always still love Manchester United. Please beat Everton this weekend, I’m getting desperate.

Someone, anyone, put me out of my misery.

About JR 64 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary, over-invested, and highly-sarcastic American Red Devil. P.S. I'm not here to argue.

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