Batman and Robin Save Manchester United Again

I’ll be the first to say so; I didn’t believe in it. It didn’t make sense as a concept. How can you anthropomorphize a period of time in a football match. However, while watching this game, I have come back from the depths of despair to reach jubilation and joy. I come as a humbled and gracious fan. I have come to preach that Fergie TimeTM exists, and this game was living testament.

A Word About the Match

93 minutes of the game flat out stunk. Usually watching United is bad for your health, but this time it was not the anticipated cause. The anxiety and heart-racing drama of a multiple-goal thriller was replaced with an incredibly boring and uneventful snooze-fest. My heart rate was reaching critically low levels the whole match. If I were hooked up to an heart monitor, Emergency Room doctors would pronounce me dead on arrival.

United came alive after the 60th minute or so. As the game played out, it became increasingly evident from Nuno Espirito Santo that he was trying to take a page out of Our Dear Leader Jozay’s book of parking large automobiles.

Despite the hard efforts of a well martial-ed defense, Santo’s Portuguese National Team were dragging their feet to the final whistle. Manchester United were on the wrong side of poor fixture timing before, so the extra 24 hours showed its worth late in the match.

Fergie Time, Baby

As the seconds mercilessly kept ticking, a draw seemed inevitable. For context, now that we are allowed to look at the table, drawing this game when literally every other team I can think of drew this past weekend would’ve been gutting. Old United of the previous 7 years probably draws that game, and doesn’t take advantage of a glorious opportunity presented to Manchester United. If Newcastle manage to draw or beat the Team Who Shall Not Be Named tomorrow, I may sacrifice a newborn lamb to the soccer gods. Wow what a tangent.

Regardless of my evidently un-diagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder, with the game in balance, who else would save the day except my proverbial Batman and Robin. “Who is who?” I will let you, the reader, decide. Bruno played the longest of balls in behind the defense to Rashford who, with an amazing first touch, had Wolves SCRAMBLING. Rashford fired a shot, picking up a deflection by Saiss, past the GK and into the net. 1-0 United. Game. Set. Match.

I almost feel bad for Saiss. He played exceptionally well today and was a thorn in United’s side the whole game. He even almost scored a goal. But as the saying goes, “Football. Bloody Hell.” The soccer gods giveth and taketh away, and I’m just happy they rewarded Manchester United today. Just how long can the unbeaten run extend? Forever is the answer with this team and manager. You already know what time it is!

Bring in the chorus!

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About JR 63 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary, over-invested, and highly-sarcastic American Red Devil. P.S. I'm not here to argue.

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