“Manchester United are Jekyll and Hyde at the moment” – NBCLFC. You know something is up when I actually agree with those knob-heads Graeme Le Saux and Arlo White at NBC. “Watching Manchester United is bad for your health” – Roy Keane – John and Alex – Jordin Robinson.
A Totally Reliable Psychoanalysis
I have exactly 1 (one) college degree, and it is decidedly not in Psychology. Having said that (Larry David voice), I think I’ll give my unqualified opinion regardless. Manchester United are bipolar. There is no telling what United side will come out of the tunnel game to game, and its kinda fun (not actually, plz fix Ole). The constant state of unknowing, bottled together with either a crippling sadness or an unadulterated joyfulness, keeps me feeling alive. I need the drama. I crave the late heroics. Hook it into my veins.
Clean It Up, West Ham
West Ham came out and fought valiantly in the first half. David Moyes, one-time SAF “Successor” (lol), had a clear game plan in mind that revolved around being the most annoying team ever, and playing dirty. This Manchester United team is good-natured and honest, and its really just despicable to see a former manager try to pull some shady business. Example 1: Souček recklessly kicked the shit out of McTominay’s shin as if the ball can miraculously levitate. Why Souček didn’t see red for obvious foul play is beyond my comprehension. The referee, Andre Mariner, is a weasel and a spineless human for letting that go.
Nice Try, West Ham
Participation trophy of the day goes to West Ham United. They scored a goal. whoopty doo. It seems to take a whole 45 minutes of playing and 15 minutes of half-time being yelled at by their Manager, for Manchester United to wake up. Its frustrating for you and me both, but they are a team of two halves.
When I run the numbers, look at the analyses, and map out the predictive models, Manchester United are devastating in the second half. Every single game we go down, I’m always mad and sad at the team. My subconscious clearly hasn’t caught on yet to the pattern yet. Entering the second half down a goal makes Manchester United flat out UNSTOPPABLE.
Another Vintage Comeback
Stop me if you heard this before, but after bringing on Bruno and Rashford, Manchester United found another gear in the proverbial Ferarri (s/o Alex for the metaphor). The first goal came after a brilliant clearance from Hendo that found Fernandes in the channel. From there, Bruno laid it off for a timeless Pogboom from outside the box. That should silence the haters for a few hours at least. Comeback on. Shortly thereafter, Alex “tell us about TellesTM” Telles found Greenwood in the box, who instinctively rifled in a half volley. Lastly, Juan Mata found Rashford breaking with a first time through-ball, who cooly chipped the keeper. For those of you keeping score at home, thats 3-1 United. Comeback Completed.
WE ARE ROLLING
Manchester United are starting to find their form, and boy does it feel good! PSG was a blip in the radar that nobody should care about. Don’t look now, but United are currently 4th in the league, and only 2 (two!) points off the Spurs, who are led by Our Dear Leader Jozay. We are qualifying for the last 16 in the Champions League early next week, and we are going to BOSS this league during the holiday season. Sing it you haters, of which there are many!