The Unofficial Guide to Keeping Paul Pogba is the worst place in the world. That’s not an opinion; that’s an undeniable fact. Yesterday, I did my nightly routine to get ready for bed; I read twitter until I wanted to gouge my eyes out. This time, it didn’t take very long.

There is a large contingency that consider Paul Pogba overrated. Sure, it’s probably loser trolls from that “club” who are afraid to walk alone to the grocery store. You can’t hide from me, @PogbasucksSalahfucks69.

Here’s how you get our starman Paul Pogba to commit to a new long-term contract:

A. Keep Him Happy

Our French phenom recently came out saying playing for Real is a “dream.” Same, Paul. Same. People are PISSED he said this, but how would you describe what is happening to his boyhood club at the moment? I’ll help. Choose from the following adjectives: Inconsistent, shambolic, fruitless. You know what sounds better than being on a team stumbling their way through mediocrity? You guessed it; winning 3 Champions Leagues in a row.

If I’m Paul Pogba, which I’m not, give him some serious guarantees from the club, coaches, and executives that this club has a useful future before he even thinks about signing a contract extension. Also, play him in a different position, Ole. Being a manager is not harder than rocket science, Roy Hodgson still has a job.

2. Pay Him What He Wants

This one is simple. Eddy and his gang of misfits are already used to getting fleeced in the transfer markets. Apply the same concept here. Overpay for the talent because the alternative is far worse. He wants his own office? Done. Kick Woodward to the supply closet where he belongs.

D. Fix Literally Everything

Manchester United have not been good enough organizationally to keep a player with his talent and ambition. You know what I’m talking about, I know what I’m talking about, We all know what I’m talking about.

An Open Letter to the Glazer Family: Leave Our Club! | American Red Devils  - Manchester United Podcast
I refuse to be silenced. Get his vile rat-tail out of this club.

Too many fans think it’s cool to get on his ass, but just remember this blog when he leaves for free and is replaced by Tom Davies. Stop giving Paul Pogba shit, I think he is a fine player. Before you ask, yes, I know Twitter is gonna roast me for this take.

#Greenandgolduntiltheclubissold #glazersout

About JR 45 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary, over-invested, and highly-sarcastic American Red Devil. P.S. I'm not here to argue.

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