The “War” of the Roses

Not much of a war, huh? I am a man of honor and simple credos. There are 3 sentences that sum up my belief system: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” “Life is too short to bet the under,” and “Leeds United are bottom-tier scum.” Facts are facts, baby.

I can’t even believe I was anxious in the buildup to the game. Admittedly, I didn’t not watch the first 4 minutes because I, much like everyone else, expected a dull start to the game. Boy was I DEAD wrong. I have no one else to blame but my… girlfriend for demanding I make her breakfast. But I digress. I owe the emphatic first 4 minutes to the omniscient, clairvoyant, and amazingly talented John.

I Actually Feel Bad For Leeds

Give them a break, Red Devils. The poor Leeds United team does not belong in the Premier League. It’s not their fault they have no business playing a man’s game. To be honest, watching such a gutless, spineless, useless, decrepit, poor performance from the White Roses was nothing but saddening. This team cannot survive in the league, let alone against Manchester United – they are bottom tier scum. People want to call the matchup between the Red and White Roses a “rivalry” but I think this game proved it is anything but a rivalry.

An Absolute Bloodbath

Let us now talk goals, shall we? Simply put, there are too many goals to discuss them all in depth, so instead, here’s a link to all of them. McTominay started the game off with a bang and swazzed a lovely weighted ball from Fernandes into the bottom right corner. Before I could even finish celebrating an early goal, McSauce was at it again, this time finishing from a cheeky through ball from Martial. 2-0 United within 4 minutes. If I’m Leeds United, I would have already rage-quit FIFA 21. Following that, Bruno put a goal in, and the Swedish Ice-Man finished off a flick-on from Martial. I think Leeds got a goal in the first half maybe, but who cares. Thats 4-1 at halftime.

Stop Stop Hes Already Dead GIF - TheSimpsons HeIsAlreadyDead Stop GIFs
I didn’t know snuff films were allowed to be nationally televised

In the second half, Dan James scored for the first time in roughly 975 games, and Bruno added a penalty as well. Leeds might have scored again but again, who gives a fuck. Its hard to believe the passion and drive Manchester United played with; it was a truly mesmerizing display. I’m not sure I can quite describe how I feel watching this team, so a video will have to do.

Me watching this version of Manchester United


I’m done. I tried to give NBC the benefit of the doubt, but I just can’t do it anymore. I’m taking John and Alex’s advice and solely watching Telemundo from now on. Its remarkable how much of a good-for-nothing, basic, cry-baby, sore-loser Graeme LeSaux is. This dude did not have one good thing to say about United without qualifying it somehow. United put 6 past Leeds, but gave up two. United beat the living shit out of Leeds at home, but Leeds were only just promoted. The excuse factory coming out of the mouth from that sour has-been is infuriating. Hated, adored, never ignored. Imagine thinking United aren’t a contender for the top 4, when they’re in 3rd CURRENTLY with a game in hand? We don’t look at the table until Boxing Day here, but my god, get a grip! Get off my screen Graeme LeSaux!!

Tell Me How Good Does It Feel?

There are now only two iconic scoreboard pictures of Manchester United games in my memory. I hate to talk poorly about the (currently) dead, but you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Where are Manchester United's starting XI that beat Arsenal 8-2 in 2011  now? - Manchester Evening News
RIPIP to Arsenal. They still haven’t recovered to this day.
What a beautiful site for sore eyes!

I’m gonna say something that people aren’t gonna like. I think crashing out of the Champions League isn’t the end of the world. Quite frankly, I believe it’s the opposite. Losing in embracing fashion has re-invigorated this team, and took a massive amount of physical and mental stress of the Manchester United. Without those extra games, the squad will be not be stretched as thin, the pressure of competing in multiple competitions will lower, and the overuse and injury list will likely decrease. Bowing out of the Champions League paved a clear path into the top 4, and potentially challenge the Scouse Bastards and Our Dear Leader Jozay for a title this year.

You already know what’s coming next. Bring in the chorus!

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is more than just a super sub; he's a super guy and  Manchester United legend | South China Morning Post
About JR 58 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary, over-invested, and highly-sarcastic American Red Devil. P.S. I'm not here to argue.

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